Sunday, July 7, 2013

It’s all about you, with or without you..

Hello Daisy Blossom's!

I know this has been the second week where I have been late on delivering a post for a Friday.  I did however have something scheduled to post and I took it down because I was wanting to talk about something else. And that something else I have no idea what, it was something on that day, that mood feeling you get. However, I have made up for Friday for the next day but for this week it's being made up today. Today is something of a special mention in my heart for me and so I think this delay was suppose to happen this way. 

Today is the day of a very special man, who's birthday would have been of celebration if he were still alive. Today is the day that my lovely grandpa was born and although he is not here, he is in my heart. He, I know has been there in spirit with me and the feeling that I felt in past posts that I have mentioned him was fresh. It seemed overwhelming and took an affect that I wasn't expecting to experience. I am sad that he is not here, however I am grateful that he is at peace and isn't in pain from when I had seen him past.

He passed away exactly in April 26th, 2012 and so it has been one year and two months and 11 days. Whoa, that is insane that it just brought tears to my eyes, because for the past couple of months I have been seeing that number a lot. The number eleven and wow to see that is over powering. My best friends know all the stories with the number eleven, one eleven, 11:11, 1:11 etc. I swear this is like a beautiful guardian angel watching over me for months and everything that has happened that has been good I know the universe has helped and had someone special by my side. I am oh so grateful and feel so blessed. I am happy inside this time around that I come on here to write because I feel like I have a better understanding of everything that I felt in my last posts that I have written and mentioned of my grandpa. The last time I felt as though I have felt as though I let him down but I feel like this time all these beautiful things are happening so quickly and fast to me. It feels almost completely liberating but also scary. It's feeling more and more surreal each day that my time is coming closer to move away. It feels kind of overwhelming in a bit of a way. Just leaving everything behind and going on an adventure all my own, on my very own. I do know that my grandpa will be there watching over me and  guiding me along. I know within my heart that he will be proud of me in the end of it all. 

I see him everyday all day in my room, (when I am in there) because that is a part of me that I have left up around me in my room to remember him. A photo given to me by my grandma at Christmas of my grandpa and the card from the funeral of that day. It gives me something to have a reminder of, but also to have hope and have a sense of things are going to work out. The things that didn't make sense or I felt would be ashamed of I know that I am human, imperfect and that is okay. I know that he will love me from above and understand from above. I know I can say I am trying, I am giving my best that I can. I know that my grandpa can see that. I know I may struggle at times or don't know what direction to go or what answer to give, but it somehow has worked out. 

I am very very grateful for all the things that I got to know, the stories that I got to hear, the laughter, the love and the abundance of interest from within a heart so beautiful, strong and understanding. I know I will have the memories and I will keep those close to my heart but I will always have a reminder and never let that slip away or go afloat. I know that in my heart this life you had the chance to live was one that you made to be great and that is something I hope to achieve myself. I hope to lead a lovely beautiful life full of love for others, full of interest, full of help, full of laughter, and a life to the fullest potential possible that I could possibly attain and even beyond that of what I think is possible. In the end God has something incredibly amazing awaiting even though I may have set a goal to achieve. I am thankful for everything I got to know and learn from you. I know you will be with me and are with me always and I am happy for that. I am not saddened because in my heart your memory lives alive. 

Thank you from here on earth,
with love. 
This is a heart feeling to you,
from down here to above. 

love, sincerely,
your heart remembering granddaughter. 

happy birthday up above,
sending my love. 

this is me painting my feelings and the stars above are so bright.. 
they blind my eyes looking at the bright shining sky. 

(I know there is so much more to come or say but this is my hearts feeling limit for today and choked throat and tears are becoming from sitting here writing this that overflow with sincere love.) 

Thank you for those who read this and happy Sunday.  :)

much love and happiness to you on this day. xoxo

Signed, Joe

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