Thursday, March 8, 2012

Act like a Lady, Think like a Man

Hii Beautiful Lovelies!

So I said I would be back yesterday for today and I am! As for what I want to mention about tonight is a book I had been reading last week called 'Act like a lady think like man' by Steve Harvey. I know it came out few years ago but now it is a movie coming out soon. To be honest this isn't my first time getting this book. I actually got this when it first came out because my cousin was like if you want I will buy you a book. I got it and I returned it because I thought it was stupid at the time since I had 'He's just not that into you'. No, I didn't read the whole book when I got it just skimming through it and reading different stuff, it didn't seem for me. Since I heard there was a movie I was curious what the book was really about and I went back onto youtube to view some of the interviews conducted by people such as oprah, ellen etc. I found it very intriguing and I was like okay, I want to really read this now. I did and I thought it was interesting and there was some laughter while reading it as well. I think at the time when it first came out why it didn't fully interest me because you know when you are a certain place in life and just aren't ready to comprehend certain things. I feel like that was me back then as though 'he's just not into you' was more my focus because at the time that is what made sense in my head to understand and the 'act like a lady think like a man' was not in my comprehension to understand. As I was reading this book I noted some things that stuck out for me and they may be very brief or vague to some of you who haven't read the book but I don't want to give away all this information inside of the book because then there wouldn't be a point for you to purchase it. I also noticed a lot of things associated together in threes which was interesting. So here's my things I got from the book in point form.

- #1 title = who he is #2 how he gets title = what he does #3 reward for effort = how much he makes
- #1 profess #2 provide #3 protect
- He's needs are #1 support #2 loyalty #3 the cookie
- When wanting to talk about something instead of the famous 'we need to talk' use something like nothings wrong I just want to talk to you about ... 
- A man always wants something. Always. and when it comes to women, that plan is always to find out two things #1 if you're willing  to sleep with him and #2 if you are, how much it will cost to get you to sleep with him
- Sports fish or a keeper which is the basically how you would let a man treat you if you have standards or if you don't set any standards. 
- How a lot of women are willing to put up with a lot of things from guys because either they have something they want: money, fame, lifestyle or all 3. Many don't realize that they are nothing more than for sex and arm candy because they never bother to ask the simple question of 'where is this going'. 
- They (Women) don't bother to quiz men up front about their intentions and if women simply took the time to ask that very simple question they would know the guy wasn't looking for anything serious. 
- A first step to do before getting into deep is to let go of the fear of losing the guy by confronting him.
- If he can't give you a concrete example of how you've shown your 'kindness', he's not really thinking about you beyond the surface. (example: "You remember that time when it was my mom's birthday and you called me and reminded me to pick up a card for her? That was really nice.")
- If you have probed and asked the question where he's feelings don't run very deep then he is just not there and you need not be there too.
- Men are full aware they need to answer these questions, however if his not going to bother to answer, then don't waste your time with him.
- Don't think you're going to work it out later or wait it out until he gets more comfortable because that would be nothing more than blind hope and you'll have to find out the hard way that this guy isn't for you.
- It's your right to know all the answers, so don't think that it's not. 
- When you are getting the information from the questions ask yourself if you see yourself in his short-term plans, his long-term plans, as a part of his family, having babies with him, helping him continue a solid relationship with his mom, being a role-model dad for our kids, the whole picture? 
- A grave mistake that you could do is to give your benefits (the cookie) to a guy who's only been on the job for a week or two because you don't know this man -- not much anyways, he doesn't know you and he hasn't proven himself. 
- Plus he could walk off the job at any time and there will be nobody but yourself to blame.
- A guy who gets the benefits early in a relationship is more likely to move onto a committed relationship because he didn't have to put in work or prove himself.
- The women who lays out the requirements (probabtionary period) early on and lets her intended know that he can either rise up to the requirements or just move on because it lets him know you are not a plaything -- not someone to be used or discarded.
- The man who is willing to meet the requirements and put in the time is the one you want to stick around and you win the ultimate prize of maintaining your dignity along with self-esteem plus earning the respect of the man who recognized that you were worth the wait.
- It's your right to want what you want and to actually get it. 
- Put yourself first, ask the five questions, withhold the benefits and demand the respect. 
- The decision is Y.O.U.R.S. whether you want a guy to sleep with you, kiss you, when to let go of each other's hug and embrace. Where they put their hands on your body and if they can keep touching that place or if they need to let it go. 
- There job is to convince you to give those things to them but ultimately the decision on whether they get it or not is O.U.R.S. 
- Only give up that power to a man when one has earned it and is going to respect it and do something with it. 
- The following are forms of payment: a hug, kiss, talking on the phone, going for a walk in the park, having an ice cream cone together, going out for dinner, getting dressed up for them, exchanging emails + Our time = is a form of payment.
- The benefits are if he wants to sleep with you, make babies and have a family with you. Those are benefits and his got 90 days to prove himself were as you have 90 days to figure this man out. 
- Let the guy know what you want and what you expect early to get uncomfortable moments out of the way.
- Women want clarity and what they want to know in a nutshell is this: Where's the relationship going? Do you love me? Am I the one? What do you see for us?
- The number one cause of failure in this country is the fear of failure. Fear paralyzes you from taking action. Don't be afraid to lose him, because if a man truly loves you, he's not going anywhere. 

To not let yourself get played, start by being really clear up front as to what he wants out of his life and his relationship with you by these 5 questions. These 5 questions will help determine  what values the guy has and where you fit into his plans. 
1. What are your short-term goals
2. What are our long-term goals?
3. What are your views on relationships?
(Find out how he feels about family. What are his views on it? Does he want a family? How does he feel about children? Does he see himself being a father? How his relationship is with mother? How he feels about his father? His relationship with God?)

(The following questions is for when you have been talking and dating for a while. The following question should be asked before you have parted with 'the cookie'.)
4. What do you think about me?
(Every man is going to give the generic answer of: I think you're great I think you'd make a great mom, you're fun, kind, you're really beautiful, you turn me on, you're energetic, outgoing, a hard worker, very smart. I think you're the kind of woman I could see myself with. But ultimately you want specifics and you want to know that he has thought about you beyond the surface. So do follow-ups as exhibit A: 'Oh, you think I'm kind? What about me makes you think I'm kind?)

(Should not be confused with what do you "think" about me -- "think and "feel" are two wholly different things. If a man cannot tell you after a month of dating how he feels about you, it's because he doesn't feel anything for you -- he just wants something.)
5. How do you feel about me?
(What you're looking for in his answer is like this: "When I don't see you, I miss talking to you, I always wonder what you're doing and whenever you come around, I just feel better -- you're the type of woman I've been trying to find.") I think you're cool answer is not going to cut it here. 

There was top ten questions to formulate what exactly are your requirements and I think everyone could benefit from these questions who are unsure or have never really thought about certain questions. The following = 
1. What specific kind of man are you looking for? (For example, Funny? Hardworking? Generous?)
2. How do you expect to be pursued? (Do you want regular phone calls? Text messages? Dates at least three times a week? Do you  want him to always pick up the tab?)
3. What level of commitment do you expect? (Do you want an open relationship? Or to date exclusively? Should it be up for discussion?)
4. What kind of financial security do you expect this man to have? (Do you want him to be rich? Do you want him to make more money than you? Are you okay with a blue-collar worker?)
5. Do you want a man who wants kids and is family oriented? 
6. Does he have to be religious/spiritual?
7. Do you mind if he's divorce or has kids?
8. Can you help a man build his dream? Can you adapt to his plan?
9. What do you expect of his family? (Should you get along with his mother? Do you care if he doesn't get along with her? Or if his father was never around?)
10. What should he be willing to do to woo you? (Should he pursue you? Give you expensive gifts?) 

90 day rule
The probationary period  means nothing if you're not putting him through the paces. And in which case you should be checking for the following: 

- does he come when he said he's going to come
- does he call when he's going to be late
- does he like and care about your friends
- if you have them, does he care about your children
- does he express his joy when in your presence
- most importantly, is this the man you can see yourself in a committed relationship with?
- do you see signs that make your god-given intuition kick in?

Things You May Want to Find Out
1. How does he react when you tell him you've got some problems?
2. How does your man react under pressure?
3. How does he react to bad news?
4. How does he react when he's told "no"?

A list of things to do with your man to help you and him stay focused on the relationship.

1. Go on dates that help you find out each other's interests: if he's into photography, hit up a photography exhibit at the local museum; if you're into cooking, take a cooking class together.
2. Host a barbecue at your house and invite him to meet your friends and family; a good guy should be comfortable meeting the people you love.
3. Go to church together; know that he's interested.
4. Sign up for a sexy Latin dance class so you can learn new moves -- it'll show you if he's into trying new things, and you can tell if the man has, um, rhythm.
5. Go out for a picnic in the park with the kids; see if he's comfortable with them.
6. Find out each other's favorite artists and attend a concert together.
7. Release your inner kid and spend an evening playing games at an arcade.
8. Have a few "firsts" together -- go horseback riding together, or hit up a batting cage, or fall over each other at the ice skating rink.
9. Volunteer together -- help out at the local soup kitchen or read books to kids at a local foster home; you can tell a lot about a man who's willing to help others.
10. rent a convertible and get lost cruising in your city; you'll have plenty of time to talk on a long drive.
11. Find a quiet place where you can watch the sunset together.
12. Play a board game.
13. Go for a long walk under a starlit sky.
14. Send each other naughty emails, so he can be sure that when he does get it, it's going to be good. (And you can make sure he's literate while you're at it.)
15. Read a passage out of each other's favorite books.
16. Have a movie night in which you both bring your favorite DVDS.
17. Go to a record store and listen to each other's favorite artists.
18. Challenge each other to do something silly, like build a sandcastle at the beach or a game of jacks or marbles.
19. Hit up a comedy show; you can learn a lot about a person by what they find funny and what they think is offensive.

What You Want, Expect and are Worth
You want to make it clear to him what you are worth and you come at a cost. You want to tell him you're worth like your about to list yourself on ebay for a million dollars. So you need to break down your value and say : "I respect you, I adore you, I'm affectionate. I pay attention to you, I'm punctual, I'm kind, I'm loyal, I'll have your children and love them madly -- and all of this is available for a handsome sum. I need your time, loyalty, support, affection, attention, punctuality, kindness, gentlemen ways -- I need the doors opened, chairs pulled out, your respect and above all else, your love. I also expect a diamond ring and a walk down the aisle."
(So when a man hears this, he is going to pay attention because you have placed a high value on yourself. He will see that and question the situation: "Is she worth all of that?" If the cost is too high he will move on but you don't want that guy anyway. You don't want that guy because he is only looking to rent you and people who rent don't care anything about the property they are with. They don't care because they will let it get run down, beat up and not care what it looks like until they find something better and move on to the next.)
You want the guy who is ready to make the Broadway purchase -- the one who's looking to move in, stay awhile, take care of the lawn, make sure the plumbing is right, paint the walls, add furniture, pay the mortgage faithfully. You know, make your house a home. Because this guy will take responsibility and be the one to pop the question like you need him to.

think this is an interesting book to have around even if you have 'he's just not that into you' because to me they're not typically one in the same. It is definitely a quick read, you can read it in a couple of hours. However, I had been reading it over a few days but I think if you want a better understanding or to clarify some things I recommend this book. It comes in paperback form which when it first came out was only sold in hardcover which I am not a fan of hardcover, I am a paperback girl at heart. 

The book explains more in detail but I thought these were good pieces of information to gather for this post. I hope it was helpful in some way. =) 

Have a lovely night.

Signed, Joe

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