lot of.. tug-of-war.

Day 16
[Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it]

This is actually one of the most hardest challenges on here for me. I don't know even where to begin or what to say. I don't even feel I have the courage to write anything at all. I have been going back and forth on this subject even before I had taken on this May challenge. Here we are again right back in the same spot going back and forth unsure of what to say or if I should even say anything at all. Apart of me wants to but then apart of me doesn't feel ready to. And I know to some people it's not really that big of a deal maybe perhaps, but for me it is. It is something I have struggled with for a very very very very long time in my life and I don't know how to even talk about it on here. I have just recently said to verbally mention or say certain things about this subject to friends, and so for me to come on here and spill it all out is hard. I feel this tug a war pull and this dragging going on. There is a lot of things I feel about a lot of topics, however that I know I will be able to do for day 20 but this.. this one topic I just, I just can't release the bat to swing fully. It's hard because I feel stuck and I have talk to other people about it and even have talk to someone in the blogging world about it before. I just can't get to a conclusion about it all. All I can come to is the advice I've gotten.. of praying about it and that it will be good to talk about it so it can help/inspire someone else along with make someone aware. But I struggle.. I struggle daily.. and I don't know what to do. It breaks me down every.single.day but more so it breaks me down the most every couple of months. I think the part that sucks the most, is the fact that there is a million different thoughts. A million different things that I am unsure of but hope for, truly hope for and I hope God will give me the chance to experience those things I want in my life. At this very moment today this is my a whole lot of in life at the moment that is very vague and I am unable to talk about it right now at this moment. I hope to share in the near future when it feels right, the timing feels right and when I am given the courage to say it without hesitation. I want to be able to come full circle and able to talk about it without feeling trapped. In certain things in life I feel trapped almost, stuck. This is all I can say at the moment, but thank you for reading.